If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
