took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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