maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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