We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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