My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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