Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
