I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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