I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
