actually, I'm a sock model
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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