I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
