Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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