Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wish you could order shots online.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
