just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
