I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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