You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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