I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
