Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
