***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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