How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
