Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
