Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I touched a dick in church today
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