So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
