Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
