The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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