Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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