i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
