This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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