he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
