Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
