I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
and you fell through a lawn chair
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
