did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
