i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
