Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
