it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
