Jerry, you need to find god
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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