I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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