we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
