Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
