Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
