you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
