that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
