my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
