his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
