How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
this just has baby written all over it
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
