You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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