i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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