Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
