Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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