Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
