I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
