you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
