Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
