he puts the penis in happiness.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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