Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
