just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
