Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
