I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
