We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
